The case of the missing basket ball..
Where is the ball?
The only work I turn to ask Sabika, when I misplace something, key, bag, wallet, etc.(the only other work she does is to place a cup of coffee, besides my bed, though I refuse her favour). Her usual response would be to point the very wrong place, where I wouldn't find anything I am looking for. Probably, she buys time, she would eventually find it.. But she did not this time.
I turned to the boss, the Dad. Aththa (dad), a man who forces and works his vision of order in any corners of a home or a person!( Somewhere I read that external order is required to balance an internal cahos) His famous animations when something gets out of his pre ordered reach, would always be a collateral damage, when you ask him anything that is misplaced. He would turn the house upside down, shake, search the every minute detail.. And give it us.. But this time he failed, the boss and his novice apprentice failed. Fear creeped in..( Fear a submission or preparation for an unwanted outcome).. With its deadly claws, each time plunging its sharpness little deeper.. Added to this was the SMS,( a mode, which makes us into multitaskers.) Niju: grnd polama( shall we go to the ground)
Me: hmm. Yes... Do you know who is having the ball?
Niju: therla( dont know) bal( ball) shivata( with shiva) nu nenikren (i hope) aventa kelunga( ask him)
Called up Shiva, and he guessed it might be with Gokul
Meanwhile another SMS
TV Dinesh: wru?
Me: in home.. Ball enganu therla..(i dont know where is the ball) TV: its with shiva, u come sir.
Me: he said he doesn't have.
TV: yesterday u gave to him only. Me: but, mrnin we played. Meanwhile TV has called up shiva ..then comes the msg TV: oh. Shiva told ask shagul. I came out of my home, yelled, " shagul bhai, where is the ball ". He seemed to recall that it was Niju who picked up but somebody got it from him..Enough. I ventured to say, " I ll go to the ground, and check. Shagul ridiculed," it has been more than 8 hrs. Small cricket ball costing just eight rs would not be found there. It is impossible for a basketball to be found.. The predicted truth stung me deep .
Out of desperation, out of no choice.. I drove, to ground, so did alll the others.. To our surprise, the ball existed there doing its job.
The ball was doing its job, like a celestial body on earth.. Controlling , driving the human energy.. It made us emote laughter, anger , tears,.. It bound us to one another.. Made us comrades..in court and friends off court. Taught us relationships that lasted even after crossing the lines of the court. It spoke to us about goals that required effort but once missed then to rebound. It made us realise win was just an episode.. And even repeated actions can have a newer perspective.. As someone.. Gave the ball and said, yes its yours.. It seemed as if it was proclaiming its supernatural magic.. And as if it was saying I come back to those adhereing me and my teachings in their hearts.. Thanks friends..
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Lies...
"Beauty is truth, truth beauty," - that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.
John keats.
The debated lines of the famous poet.( I read that The movie The Bright Star is about the love of keats with his neighbour, wish I could see it. ) is apt for the debate I am in.
There are many lines that beauties truth, but what is the truth?
I ventured to ask my students, " how important are lies"? Answers, lies makes us happy. Lies makes others happy thus needed. Lies bring comfort. Can't we agree this as truth? Can we face this truth?
Why is this paradox? Why is this lie, that truth is a virtue, being professed.? Is it a proof of exercising that lies are of utmost importance in the elementary functional unit of society... The relationship. Far more, important to the self itself. Deception( self deception) a means to escape the present, the uninteresting, unillustrated and unbeautied reality. Is it not within our might to create a flawless, perhaps, a lawless world in our imagination? And, is it not easy to believe and to protect with one's all potency, to fight, to resist being pulled to this uglier world that is created by someone called "god"or "nature", but most importantly not by us.
Have we not invented words that sounds better and colourful than the word that truly called Lie. Have we not known the imperialism which meant as mission to civilise but rather paved for the flourishing capitalism. Do we not use words like business, technique, knack or even nicer words like hope, vision, plans etc. Well, the nicest words, flattery, romance and love! Flattery - seemingly to be true but not meaning them( I dont say this but Dostovesky). Romance- Creating, projecting, and accepting a mode of behaviour that tries to portray one relationship being above all.
Love- True love is not heroic ( Dostovesky again) what is true doing here. Love- do we need this word! Is not when human is harmonious in thoughts, words and actions, when not ambitious, when content and happy with reality, not be in a state called love that needs no aids of words and gifts, unlike the mutual dependancy created between people.
We are Paradox.(not paradoxical) the Nigerian writer what in world causes the insistence by the oppressed that his oppression be performed in style!( By a person with expensive luxurious cars, private jet etc) What half way measures could hope to cure that?
Is this not the very reluctance to come out of our comfort zone of our comfortable lies?( The writer adds his astonishment, when he finds every coup is being celebrated and then things fall back) or the lack of patience in the boring, uninteresting realism? We postpone, we neglect and we manipulate what truth demands of us, now, in this realism. Truth, a luxury in the complexly evolving lies, is perhaps being a twin in this greater evolution, with a greater cause.. Perhaps.. Like a cure of a disease.
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.
John keats.
The debated lines of the famous poet.( I read that The movie The Bright Star is about the love of keats with his neighbour, wish I could see it. ) is apt for the debate I am in.
There are many lines that beauties truth, but what is the truth?
I ventured to ask my students, " how important are lies"? Answers, lies makes us happy. Lies makes others happy thus needed. Lies bring comfort. Can't we agree this as truth? Can we face this truth?
Why is this paradox? Why is this lie, that truth is a virtue, being professed.? Is it a proof of exercising that lies are of utmost importance in the elementary functional unit of society... The relationship. Far more, important to the self itself. Deception( self deception) a means to escape the present, the uninteresting, unillustrated and unbeautied reality. Is it not within our might to create a flawless, perhaps, a lawless world in our imagination? And, is it not easy to believe and to protect with one's all potency, to fight, to resist being pulled to this uglier world that is created by someone called "god"or "nature", but most importantly not by us.
Have we not invented words that sounds better and colourful than the word that truly called Lie. Have we not known the imperialism which meant as mission to civilise but rather paved for the flourishing capitalism. Do we not use words like business, technique, knack or even nicer words like hope, vision, plans etc. Well, the nicest words, flattery, romance and love! Flattery - seemingly to be true but not meaning them( I dont say this but Dostovesky). Romance- Creating, projecting, and accepting a mode of behaviour that tries to portray one relationship being above all.
Love- True love is not heroic ( Dostovesky again) what is true doing here. Love- do we need this word! Is not when human is harmonious in thoughts, words and actions, when not ambitious, when content and happy with reality, not be in a state called love that needs no aids of words and gifts, unlike the mutual dependancy created between people.
We are Paradox.(not paradoxical) the Nigerian writer what in world causes the insistence by the oppressed that his oppression be performed in style!( By a person with expensive luxurious cars, private jet etc) What half way measures could hope to cure that?
Is this not the very reluctance to come out of our comfort zone of our comfortable lies?( The writer adds his astonishment, when he finds every coup is being celebrated and then things fall back) or the lack of patience in the boring, uninteresting realism? We postpone, we neglect and we manipulate what truth demands of us, now, in this realism. Truth, a luxury in the complexly evolving lies, is perhaps being a twin in this greater evolution, with a greater cause.. Perhaps.. Like a cure of a disease.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Marriage
"It took thirty years of meticulous preparation to be single, but just hundred days of married status" ktb. I still look at my ceiling fan, when I retire to bed, and, though not prejudiced, but I think out of pattern, I shall get the question( standard) "what am I thinking".
What am i thinking? This FAN. Yes, this is the first thing to ever come up as an introduction to a greater concepts of a personal freedom in marriage. She said, " let it be on, its too stuffy in here (honestly I did not derive a meaning than what it sounded). I was rather shivering, wanted to cover and tuck myself. My feet were cold. Yes . Had a cold feet.( Perhaps, it had more meaning than it sounded).
The Dusk
Eyes speak, when I was leaving for work, she looked through the window, made me joyous. Amidst the chaotic moments of life, she looks with an unknown language. I wonder if this is a feminine language. Now when I read eyes are windows of soul, I tend to ask, which eyes, silent, talking, tearing, open, or closed eyes. I am still an illiterate.
When the language of eyes stop the language of tongue begin. What of you can you say when you speak of you in terms of the moments that passed or that to come? (Thinking). She is comfortable in talking of happened things or planning things,( so are many people ) I ask them where or what is your present. I understood now , as I suffer like performing an ardent task in talking of things that are by gone and things awaited. So are others in talking their honest present. We as individual have faced different threat to evolve into different persons, or even faced a same threat but reacted differently. So, we are in no right to label. The Nights. Knowledge,( incomplete) all my learned knowledge turned out to be of no help. I learn and I am learning. Nudity, that has become equivalent to sex due to the capitalist's economic manipulation. Every bit of skin sells a product, every bare six pack symbolises something to sex. Alas! We as self, as intelligence, as concepts, as ideas are governed. I believed nudity in my world, had a greater meaning( greater not in terms of reverence but in terms of rarity). Nudity meant a hard laborious work, art, motherhood, poverty, devotion, self denial, childhood and so on. My favourite one of these was nudity meaning vulnerability to the core. My knowledge ( incomplete) always said, the physical defences of dress is shed only after the mental defences are surrendered or defeated. I am wrong. I find nudity can be strength, nudity can be a camoflauge. The meaningless skin can hide any meaningful soul.
The Dawn.
Are you happy? For me an intimidating question but not an unanswerable ! I did not know why after a series of incomprehensible sounds and inappropriately timed silence, I got an answer from her, " I am not."( of course, I believe it was momentary ). I asked her why, again followed by incomprehensible sounds and inappropriately timed silence ( I call it chinese, though it is nothing similar to Ni hao or xie xie) " because, I had a dream, an image, and rehearsed scenes, which is not coinciding with you. Thats right, everything is subjective. Every minute detail is subjective. We live in a world of our self reflection. We are the world. We do not let anything be, but rather demand or expect to be or become closer to our ideation. Every single entity of this wife spread out world is converted into a mirror, to be looked, to be liked, to be sorted, to be accepted by us. Weird! Even sex is subjective! No matter, if princess beautiful or prince charming is by your side with all the influenced definition of beauty, what does matter is the other reflecting ones idea of pleasure through this unspoken communication. Weirdest! I read that even taste is subjective. Not everybody might like the dark chocolate oozing cake named as choco ecstasy( possible) which I like.
The Days.
" Do you love me"? She asked.
"Why do you ask?" ( Not a right answer I know but I know my limitation when it comes to romance)
" coz, you dont let me do any of your things"
" In time, I shall be confident of my love and I dont want somebody to aid my work"
A sinister smile
" why do you smile?".
" you would change".
Then, I realised we are in am ideological war. We as humans, are ever ready to wage the most passive but violent ideological war as soon as we acquaint someone. We measure our steps, our truth, our environment, in a precise calculated strategy before we accept another. I now doubt if every war is result of miscommunication. In a world of this sophistication where everyone is talking, texting, chatting with someone, we still have war. Perhaps, its due to the primitiveness in us to wage a war and not a step towards am ideological understanding.
What am i thinking? This FAN. Yes, this is the first thing to ever come up as an introduction to a greater concepts of a personal freedom in marriage. She said, " let it be on, its too stuffy in here (honestly I did not derive a meaning than what it sounded). I was rather shivering, wanted to cover and tuck myself. My feet were cold. Yes . Had a cold feet.( Perhaps, it had more meaning than it sounded).
The Dusk
Eyes speak, when I was leaving for work, she looked through the window, made me joyous. Amidst the chaotic moments of life, she looks with an unknown language. I wonder if this is a feminine language. Now when I read eyes are windows of soul, I tend to ask, which eyes, silent, talking, tearing, open, or closed eyes. I am still an illiterate.
When the language of eyes stop the language of tongue begin. What of you can you say when you speak of you in terms of the moments that passed or that to come? (Thinking). She is comfortable in talking of happened things or planning things,( so are many people ) I ask them where or what is your present. I understood now , as I suffer like performing an ardent task in talking of things that are by gone and things awaited. So are others in talking their honest present. We as individual have faced different threat to evolve into different persons, or even faced a same threat but reacted differently. So, we are in no right to label. The Nights. Knowledge,( incomplete) all my learned knowledge turned out to be of no help. I learn and I am learning. Nudity, that has become equivalent to sex due to the capitalist's economic manipulation. Every bit of skin sells a product, every bare six pack symbolises something to sex. Alas! We as self, as intelligence, as concepts, as ideas are governed. I believed nudity in my world, had a greater meaning( greater not in terms of reverence but in terms of rarity). Nudity meant a hard laborious work, art, motherhood, poverty, devotion, self denial, childhood and so on. My favourite one of these was nudity meaning vulnerability to the core. My knowledge ( incomplete) always said, the physical defences of dress is shed only after the mental defences are surrendered or defeated. I am wrong. I find nudity can be strength, nudity can be a camoflauge. The meaningless skin can hide any meaningful soul.
The Dawn.
Are you happy? For me an intimidating question but not an unanswerable ! I did not know why after a series of incomprehensible sounds and inappropriately timed silence, I got an answer from her, " I am not."( of course, I believe it was momentary ). I asked her why, again followed by incomprehensible sounds and inappropriately timed silence ( I call it chinese, though it is nothing similar to Ni hao or xie xie) " because, I had a dream, an image, and rehearsed scenes, which is not coinciding with you. Thats right, everything is subjective. Every minute detail is subjective. We live in a world of our self reflection. We are the world. We do not let anything be, but rather demand or expect to be or become closer to our ideation. Every single entity of this wife spread out world is converted into a mirror, to be looked, to be liked, to be sorted, to be accepted by us. Weird! Even sex is subjective! No matter, if princess beautiful or prince charming is by your side with all the influenced definition of beauty, what does matter is the other reflecting ones idea of pleasure through this unspoken communication. Weirdest! I read that even taste is subjective. Not everybody might like the dark chocolate oozing cake named as choco ecstasy( possible) which I like.
The Days.
" Do you love me"? She asked.
"Why do you ask?" ( Not a right answer I know but I know my limitation when it comes to romance)
" coz, you dont let me do any of your things"
" In time, I shall be confident of my love and I dont want somebody to aid my work"
A sinister smile
" why do you smile?".
" you would change".
Then, I realised we are in am ideological war. We as humans, are ever ready to wage the most passive but violent ideological war as soon as we acquaint someone. We measure our steps, our truth, our environment, in a precise calculated strategy before we accept another. I now doubt if every war is result of miscommunication. In a world of this sophistication where everyone is talking, texting, chatting with someone, we still have war. Perhaps, its due to the primitiveness in us to wage a war and not a step towards am ideological understanding.
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